Our minds are incredibly powerful, and we can choose to use it to our advantage! How we think and process information directly determines our confidence and self-esteem. If we feel positive and energised this is reflected in how we feel and subsequently behave.
It’s like a cycle of cause and effect. What you think impacts how you feel, and therefore determines the way you approach life. It follows therefore if you focus on the positive of every situation rather than the negative you will achieve better results.
Let’s look at how our thoughts affect our self-esteem and confidence.
People with high self-esteem generally feel good about themselves, whatever their situation, because they like and believe in who they are. On every level of their psyche, they feel they are worthy of being happy and successful. People with high self-esteem understand not everyone is perfect and they forgive themselves when they make mistakes. People with high self-esteem are usually very understanding of others’ mistakes, and tend to move on very quickly if something goes wrong.
People with high self-esteem welcome all of life’s challenges with a positive outlook, and the words “what if?” are hardly ever in their vocabulary! They try out new things knowing that they will enjoy doing it, and if they don’t that’s OK too, because there’s always something else to do! People with high self-esteem are like magnets, as positivity breeds positivity.
People with low self-esteem see themselves and their life as negative, destructive, and limiting. They are often vulnerable, withdrawn and insecure. They are unable to find a positive edge on anything and are particularly self-critical, even when they do something really well. They don’t take compliments from others at all well, and look for their own failure in everything they do.
People often think high self-esteem and confidence is the same thing, but it isn’t. Self-confidence is the energy that is created by your self-esteem and belief. People with high self-confidence have an underlying self-belief in all that they do. These people accept they are good at some things and not so good at others and they accept themselves and are happy and content with all that they have. Self-criticism has no place in their lives!
If you accept and like yourself for who you are, and if you can accept you cannot be great at everything and acknowledge the things you are good at this provides a good starting point to building a higher level of self-esteem and confidence.
I worked with a woman very recently who had stopped working when she had her first child, and was feeling that she wasn’t contributing anything anymore. She had held a very well paid responsible position in a London firm of solicitors, and changing nappies to her was parallel with retirement. I asked her how she viewed the human race. Did she feel that everyone simply grew up and learned things on their own, or did parents play a part! Of course, once my client had looked at her position from a different angle (in hypnotherapy this is referred to as reframing), she could see that her role as a mother was incredibly important and vital. We discussed the fact that she was still using some of her best skills, such as organisation, delegation, time management and budgeting, and her self-esteem soon reached its former level. My client is now thinking of setting up an online business giving advice to new parents on managing changes.
It really is how you see yourself – your own thoughts – that create your levels of self-esteem and confidence.
There is no such thing as failure – only feedback!
Lynda Roberts Cert Ed. SQHP (GHR). CNHC
Lynda is an established Hypnotherapy Practitioner and Trainer, based in Colchester, Essex. Skype sessions are available for clients outside of the area. Lynda helps people with a wide range of problems, and specialises in helping women overcome anxiety and panic attacks.
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